All Jokes

1)Ha..Ha..Ha. ..Ha...

2) What is Common between : Krishna , Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?

Santa Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.

3) A Kid asks the Priest : Father what is your Favourite Pastime...?The Priest pats the kids head & replys : NUN My Child NUN....!!

4) Santa bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"

5) Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College , Banta : Really, what is he studing, Santa : No is not studying, they r Studying him.

6) Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile, Police ko dene chale, Santa: agar koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..? Banta : Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!!

7) Titanic was sinking. An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?

Santa: 2 KMs. Englishman jumped into sea. Englishman: Now, which direction? Santa: Downwards!

8) Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators 11)

Santa: Do you know English?

Banta: Yes

Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?

Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.

12) Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs.

Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai?

Banta: No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to...?

14) Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?

Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!

Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain

15) Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"

Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!

16) A crow shits on a Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him. !

Banta: Koi phayda nahin, kauwa toh ud gaya !

17) Santa meets his old friend.

Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.

Friend: Oye, iska matlab?

Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.

19) Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya . Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

20) Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.' He wrote: I was made by a mistake.

21) Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai.

Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai.

22) Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si.

Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.

23) Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.

Santa: Kaise?

Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli ' Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

24) Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.

Santa singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal ?

Banta singh : Yes, I have

Santa singh : Well, my father dug it.

Banta singh : Thats nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?

Santa singh : Yes, I have.

Banta singh : Well, my father killed it.

25) SANTA declares:.. . . I will never marry in my life&. . ... . . I'll give same advice to my children also. .. . . .

26) SANTA talking on cell.

BANTA: kis se baat kar raho ho.

SANTA: biwi se......

BANTA: itne... pyar se....?

SANTA: tumhari hai. . .

27) A donkey kicked SANTA & ran awaySANTA ran to catch the donkey.

He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.

28) SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.

2.Weakness:Banta' s wife,Preeto.

3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.

4.Threat:When I am on tour

29) SANTA: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.

Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300mlnow it's 1.5 ltr.

30) On Jeeto's bday SANTA had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.When he returns home.

Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.

31) Teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times

SANTA: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara

32) Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta higya.

Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....

33) Santa went to mysore palace.

Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair

Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..

34) SANTA wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,

He wanted to save money so what did he do?Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.

35) Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai........

SANTA: Kyun key pizza hut mein"Delivery Free" hai.

36) SANTA aapko bus me logo ne kyu mara?

SANTA: Are yaar mere photo bus me niche gir gaya aur mene kaha madam jara sari upper kijiye photo lena hai.....

37) SANTA enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?

Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saabâ?o

SANTA : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.

38) One tourist from U.S.A. asked to SANTA: Any great man born in thisvillage?

SANTA: no sir, only small Babies!!!

39) Teacher: A for?

SANTA: Apple

Teacher: Jor se bolo?

SANTA: Jay mata di.

40) American says: " US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..

"SANTA says: " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"

41) SANTA orders pizza.

Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?

SANTA: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge

42) Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Santa: Who r u?

Girl: Seeta here.

Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

43) Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?

Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

44) Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying. When a person asked what he was doing?He replied, Oye! higher studies yaar.

45) SANTA n BANTA were fighting after exam.

Sir: Y r u fighting?

SANTA: This fool left the answer sheet blank,

Sir: So what?

SANTA: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we bothcopied.

46) SANTA: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.

BANTA: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.